I'll Always Have You
by chocokat13
Summary: Tragedy always seems to strike Clare at the worst of times. Can Eli help her keep a straight head through it all?
1. The Last Thread

I'll Always Have You

1. The Last Thread

It was abnormally bright that day. Clare found herself almost blinded by the rays that beamed down onto the Earth, warming the black asphalt of the funeral home's parking lot.

_Hold tight, Clare. Everything will be all right,_ Eli had told her. He promised he would be her rock, just like he had a few months ago when her parents went through the divorce.

But no, everything would not be all right. Darcy…her big sister…her death was it. Her death cut that last thread that tied Clare down to sanity, and as she watched the balloon attached to the thread fly away, she couldn't help but wonder if Darcy's passing was for the better.

What kind of shit was that? Of course it wasn't for the better.

"Clare?" A quiet voice asked. Clare turned around to look at her mother. Helen looked so old, so worn, that it almost tortured Clare to look at her. "The funeral is still scheduled for tomorrow…you know that…I just wanted to let you know…that if you need to bring a friend to help you…through the service, your father and I would be absolutely fine with it."

Clare nodded vaguely, her eyes blank and soulless. Helen hated seeing her daughter's blue eyes so empty, unhappy then she had been when Helen had divorced from her husband.

"Can I go now?" Clare asked hoarsely.

Helen nodded. "Yes, honey. Go."

Clare walked into the parking lot, keeping her head down so that her mother wouldn't have to see her cry. She didn't want her mother to be any more upset than she already was.

Clare wasn't that surprised when she saw the black hearse parked but running in the lot. It wasn't the driver and car waiting to bring her sister's casket to her grave - it was the one person she wanted to see.

She opened the door to the passenger's side, sliding in the seat. Clare closed the door and didn't say a word, the tears still falling slowly down her cheeks.

As the car started to move, Eli took one hand off the steering wheel and took one of Clare's. The car ride was wordless and silent, for there was nothing to be said.

Eli just took them back to his place. When they got there, he took his hand off Clare's and parked the car, then helped her out of the car and up the front steps. He was worried about his Clare, for she was shaking, suppressing sobs now.

He led her up to his room, holding her close as she began to violently sob. Eli opened the door to his room, which he no longer kept padlocked. The room was still messy, but he and Clare had made a lot of progress, and the bed was free to sleep on now.

Eli sat down on the bed and pulled Clare into an embrace as he sat her down on his lap. She turned into him, burrowing her face into his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. But Eli didn't care; all he cared about was that he had to comfort his crying girlfriend.

Funny word, girlfriend. Eli knew that was what Clare was, but the term seemed so loose. It almost felt more appropriate to call her his soul mate, the love of his life. Of course, how could either of them be certain that's what they were for each other? So they just stuck to boyfriend and girlfriend for now.

Time passed by, and Eli lost track of the minutes they had spent just sitting here. He didn't mind, not at all - in fact, he very much liked having Clare in his arms. Just not in this situation.

"I'm sorry," Clare said after awhile, looking up at Eli. She was one of those people who, when they cried, still looked effortlessly perfect and beautiful, Eli thought to himself. No runny nose, her makeup didn't run…how could she stay so intact?

"Sorry for what?" Eli asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Your shirt…it's all wet…" Clare explained.

Eli used his thumb to wipe away the tearstains on Clare's cheeks before replying. "It's no problem, Clare. Don't worry about me."

Clare rested her head on Eli's chest again, but she was quiet now as she listened to Eli's steady breathing, no tears falling from her eyes anymore.

"Though…I would like to get out of my shirt, if you wouldn't mind," Eli said, trying to keep his voice gentle incase Clare had another breakdown.

Clare nodded, and Eli released her from his embrace. He pulled his shirt off, but as he reached for another random shirt, Clare stopped him by taking his hand.

Eli looked at her curiously as Clare dropped his hand onto the bed next to him. Clare sat up on her knees in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She leaned in close, her breath blowing gently against Eli's face, forehead pressed against his. Clare lightly pressed her lips against Eli's, and he kissed her back gently.

Eli stayed still as Clare broke away, letting her do whatever she wanted. She kissed his cheek, then his neck. Eli tried to refrain from groaning, a shiver coursing through him at her careful touch.

Clare softly pushed Eli so that he was lying on his back now, and Eli felt suspicious and unsure whether he should stop her or not. She lay on top of him, continuing her kisses down his throat.

As she started to make her way down his chest, Eli had to stop her. "Clare…not now. This isn't a good time for you."

Clare tried not to feel hurt by the rejection, even though it wasn't the first time she had been. She knew Eli was only trying to care and look out for her, but couldn't she just get what she wanted right now?

Clare sat up, getting off of Eli. She ran a hand through her hair, wondering why everything had to be so confusing for her right now. All these traumatic events taking place in her life were screwing up her judgment.

"Come here, Clare," Eli whispered, extending his arms slightly as he sat up slightly, resting his head against his pillow.

Clare reluctantly lay back down, letting him wrap his arms around her. He rested his cheek on the top of her head, and Clare enjoyed the warmth radiating off of his bare chest.

"You're upset. You're confused. Do you really think it's the best idea to do that right now, Clare?" Eli asked. "Especially when it'll be your first time?"

Clare sighed. "No," she answered truthfully.

A quiet knock sounded on the door, and Eli's mother peeked her head into the room. She was unfazed at seeing Clare in Eli's arms, for CeCe knew that if they had or were going to make love, it was because they loved each other. She knew where Eli's feelings for Clare stood, and she almost urged him to take that next step.

"Hi Clare," CeCe said, smiling slightly. "I was wondering if you wanted to stay for dinner? I'm making lasagna."

Clare smiled thankfully back. "I would like that very much."

CeCe nodded and closed the door as she left to prepare dinner.

Eli chuckled quietly to himself, and Clare made a face and looked at him. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Sometimes my mother just strikes me as odd."

Clare laughed tentatively in agreement as they settled back into a peaceful silence.

"Eli, can I ask you something?" Clare asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" Eli replied, closing his eyes.

"Who's bra is hanging off the side of your dresser?"

Eli opened an eye to follow Clare's gaze, and then his face turned red. "That was, um…that was Julia's."

Clare tried not to be surprised and disturbed that he had kept that. He was a hoarder, after all, but why the heck would Julia even leave her _bra _at Eli's? "You wouldn't lie to me, right Eli?"

Eli shook his head vigorously. "I'm not cheating on you, Clare. I swear."

"All right," Clare said. She knew Eli wouldn't lie to her, no matter how weird or suspicious the situation seemed.

They continued to lie there, quiet for the most part, until CeCe called to them that it was time for dinner. Eli put on a clean shirt and took Clare's hand as they walked to the dining room. They sat down next to each other, across from CeCe and Bullfrog, and quickly dug in.

The Goldsworthys shared quiet little conversations while Clare ate, not wanting to interrupt their family time.

"Clare, your sister's funeral is tomorrow?" Bullfrog asked her at one point.

"Dad," Eli warned him.

"It's fine, Eli," Clare murmured to him. "It is," she said, addressing Eli's father.

Bullfrog grunted in acknowledgement, nodding as he chewed.

"Speaking of which, my mother allowed me to bring somebody. Would you mind missing school and coming with me tomorrow?" Clare asked Eli softly.

Eli shook his head. "Not at all. I'll always be here for you, Clare."

"Thanks," Clare answered gratefully, and then finished off her plate of lasagna.

"Will you be spending the night tonight?" CeCe asked, and Clare couldn't help but notice how eager she looked.

"I suppose so. I don't want to be in that house," Clare mumbled as she stood up to wash off her plate.

"No, no, leave it, it's fine," CeCe assured her. Clare hesitantly put the dish back on the table.

"Why don't you find her an old pair of your sweats to wear to bed, Eli?" Bullfrog suggested.

Eli looked at Clare for a moment, the nodded, pushing his chair back and getting up. "Okay then. Back to my room."

They headed back upstairs as CeCe and Bullfrog started a conversation amongst themselves. Eli shut the door to his bedroom behind them, then rifled through his dresser, tossing Clare a pair of sweats.

He kept his back to the wall as Clare changed, then turned around when she announced that she was ready.

Eli smirked his usual lopsided smirk. "I must say, I do like you in those. You seem more like…mine when wearing my clothes."

Clare grinned a tiny bit, flopping down onto the bed. "Well, thanks."

Eli sat down next to her, lying back down. Clare snuggled into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her once more, stroking her hair comfortingly.

Clare had had a rough day, and it wasn't even that big compared to how she would react tomorrow during the funeral itself. She was asleep soon enough, and Eli continued to stroke her hair rhythmically until he too fell asleep.


	2. Obligation

2. Obligation

The next morning, Clare found herself staring at the ceiling blankly as Eli slept, thinking back onto the day she had gotten the news of Darcy's death.

In the little contact they had kept since Darcy left for Africa, Clare had told her to stay away from this Derek guy she was dating. He didn't sound like a very good guy, and though Darcy sounded like she was head over heels for him…he had sounded suspicious.

So it was hard for Clare to be surprised when her parents sat her down and choked out that Darcy had died from physical abuse. Derek had been charged and arrested, and there was no doubt about it that everybody was grateful for it.

At the wake yesterday, the embalmers had obviously done their best to hide the black and blue blotches that covered Darcy's neck and face, but Clare could still see them. Standing next to her sister's open casket, she had wanted to brush her fingers over the bruises, the evidence of how Darcy had met her end.

Did Darcy realize what she had been getting into when she began her relationship with Derek? Was that the only time Derek had hit her? Did Darcy even notice how much pain she should have been feeling? Did she try to fight back when Derek had wrapped his fingers around her throat? Why wasn't she strong enough to get away from him?

Clare didn't know the answers to these questions. Nobody did. Clare would have to accept the fact that Darcy was dead now, and there was no real explanation for why.

"What are you thinking about?" Clare heard Eli murmur.

She looked up at him, his arms still wrapped around her. "Nothing," Clare whispered.

Eli unwrapped his arms from around her and stretched, rubbing his eyes. "Do I have to drive you home before the funeral?"

Clare half-nodded. "Yes, please. I can't wear the clothes I wore yesterday."

Eli grunted in acknowledge meant, pushing himself up off the bed and half-stumbling to his dresser. He searched through the drawers for a moment, then frowned. "I don't think you can wear anything in here back to your house. You'll just have to wear your clothes from yesterday until you can change," Eli told Clare.

"That's fine," Clare said, sighing. "I'm going to go wash up, if that's okay."

"Go ahead. I'll attempt to make breakfast for you," Eli said with a smirk.

Clare half-smiled and retreated to the bathroom, bringing her dirty clothes from yesterday with. She stepped into the shower, letting the hot water relax her muscles. After a good five, ten minutes, Clare shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, putting on her old clothes.

After leaving the bathroom and fluffing her hair once, she walked downstairs into the dining room, where the smell of frying bacon and eggs greeted her.

Clare took a seat at the table where the plates were set for only two. Eli came and dumped eggs onto his and Clare's plates, then placed a plate of bacon in the center of the table.

"Eli the Cook? I never would have guessed," Clare said with a grin as she picked out a few strips of bacon.

"Well, this is one of the only meals I can make, but…it's pretty decent," Eli replied, taking a bite of bacon.

Clare smiled, playing with her eggs before taking a bite.

They didn't talk much as they ate; there wasn't anything to talk about, really. Maybe it was because Eli didn't want to set Clare off when she had all this…drama going on in her life right now. He didn't want to bring up anything that might be sensitive to her in any way.

When they finished, Eli took their plates and just put them in the sink to clean later. "I'll be right back - gotta look decent," Eli said as he jumped up the stairs to his bedroom.

When he came back down, he was dressed in black pants and a black coat and tie, like the outfit he wore on his first date with Clare. "I think I did the tie right," Eli joked, coming up to Clare.

She stood up from her seat, adjusting Eli's tie for him. "Much better."

He smiled, then leaned down slightly to kiss her. Clare barely kissed him back, the impending day putting a damper on her mood.

Eli frowned slightly, but wrapped an arm around Clare's waist as they walked to Morty. He let her go so he could slide into his seat, starting the car as Clare slid in next to him.

They arrived at Clare's empty house soon enough. Eli agreed to wait for her in the car, and she promised she wouldn't take long.

Like she said, it didn't take Clare very long to get ready. Soon enough, she came back out of the house dressed in a simple black dress, her makeup redone. She was wearing her old Jesus cross necklace again and was playing with it as she slid back into the hearse.

Eli was about to make a comment about her outfit, but decided to say nothing. Telling her that he would prefer her in black all the time wouldn't very well please her, and he would get at least a whack for saying it.

They drove slowly to the funeral home, Eli not wanting to rush the pain and hurt he would have to see Clare endure, not to mention the flood of memories that would return to him.

They parked the farthest away from the exit to the parking lot; Clare had asked if they could be in the end of the procession so people wouldn't mistake Eli's hearse as the one Darcy would be carried in. Eli willingly obliged.

Eli intertwined his fingers with Clare's as they walked in to the funeral home, and she kept her grip on his hand tight, trying not to let him feel the shivers that were coursing throughout her body.

Helen and Randall were waiting for their daughter when they saw her walk through the doors. Helen's face was tight, trying to hold back tears, at least until later. She wordlessly wrapped her arms around Clare, who stood stock straight as she kept her hand in Eli's.

"Eli," Randall said curtly, nodding to acknowledge the boy's presence.

"Mr. Edwards," Eli replied, staring at his girlfriend's father blankly.

Helen let go of her daughter, then handed a tiny orange flag to Eli. "To put on your…car," she murmured.

Eli nodded, knowing what it was for.

"Will you be riding with us, Clare?" Helen asked her daughter.

Clare simply shook her head.

Helen nodded. It didn't surprise her at all that Clare would want to stick with Eli; he'd done so much good for her the past months. As much as it killed Helen to know it, Eli had been Clare's supporter through everything, and the only one Clare had wanted in her life at the time. Clare had turned down any offer her parents had given her to spend time with them, choosing only to go to Eli's house and be with her lover. Eventually, the Edwards' had just given up on trying to get closer to their daughter.

"Well, we were all waiting on you two," Randall said, gesturing to the people waiting in the lobby of the funeral home. "We'll…get moving, I guess."

Clare nodded, and it occurred to Eli that she hadn't spoken a word since they had been at her house. But he knew what that was like, and he didn't want to force her to speak when she didn't want to.

Eli attached the little flag to his hearse as Clare got into Morty, looking down at her folded hands on her lap. Eli slid in next to her and put Morty in neutral, waiting for the procession to start moving along.

Eli shifted the hearse to drive and pulled forward slowly, taking Clare's hand in his again and keeping one hand on the wheel.

"Clare?" she heard Eli whisper.

Clare turned her head to look at Eli, realizing that the car had stopped moving. They were at the cemetery; she must have spaced out for the whole ride there.

Without saying anything, Clare got out of the hearse, and Eli followed after her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him as they followed the crowd of people that were following the casket being carried in the distance.

Helen couldn't keep her eyes off Eli and Clare as the priest recited lines from the bible while they were all gathered around the wide hole that Darcy's casket had been placed into.

It seemed so natural, the way Eli was treating Clare. It shocked Helen to see how…good Eli comforted her daughter. Whenever Clare shifted her weight to a different foot, Eli moved with her, not letting go of her. When Clare rested her head on Eli's shoulder, he moved to wrap his arms around her waist instead of just around her shoulders. It was very moving for Helen, and she couldn't remember a time when she and her ex-husband had ever been that in sync.

Randall had wanted his daughter to speak about Darcy at the funeral - he had even had her prepare what she would say. But seeing Clare now…he wasn't so sure she would be able to handle it.

When the priest quieted and looked expectantly at Helen and Randall, Randall murmured, "Clare, are you ready?"

Clare looked up, as if coming out of a trance, then nodded. Eli released her, and a pained expression appeared on Clare's face, as if Eli's embrace was the only thing holding back her fear and hurt.

"As Darcy's little sister…I find myself obligated to tell everybody why she was such a good sister," Clare began.

"Darcy was…there are no exact words to describe her, really. She was a pain, and I could never understand her. We were so different from each other in so many ways.

"Yet…we knew just what to say to each other to make the other better. We've gone through so many ordeals together, so much craziness…We never left each other's side through them all. I supported her most of the time…well, some of the time.

"Darcy may have come off as rebellious, misguided, or screwed up to some people. Those people, they didn't know the real her. Darcy was kind and understanding, and actually very caring. That's why, I thought, she went to Kenya, for charity work. It was such a good deed for her to do, and I couldn't explain how proud I was of her.

"But of course bad things have to happen to good people, and that's why we're standing here today. I don't think Darcy is dead for her lack of judgment in people, as my mother said. I think it was because she wanted to see everybody as a good person inside and out, and couldn't bear to picture evilness or cruelty in this world. That's how and why most good people die - because they refuse to accept what horrible monsters human beings have become today," Clare finished.

Helen found tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she watched Clare prepare to throw the first pile of dirt onto the casket. Clare's eyes were already overflowing with tears, and Eli had to help her with her task, placing his firm hands over Clare's as they shoveled dirt into the hole.

Finally, Clare just dropped the shovel as she retreated into Eli's arms, hiding her face from the people surrounding them as she once again cried into Eli's chest.

Eli looked meaningfully and firmly at Randall and Helen, and his eyes practically said _She can't be here anymore. Let her leave._

"Go," Helen mouthed to him. "Go."

Eli nodded curtly and turned Clare around, trying to keep his arms around her as they walked.

"No, Eli. I ha-have to stay. Darcy…she's my sister…I can't leave," Clare cried, planting her feet firmly on the ground.

"Clare, this isn't where you should be right now," Eli protested.

"No, no, no! I have to stay! I have to! Eli, let me go back! Please!" Clare sobbed, collapsing onto the ground and crying.

His heart practically breaking, Eli bent down and carefully scooped Clare up into his arms. She didn't protest as he carried her back to Morty, sobbing pitifully as Eli slowly trudged to the hearse.


	3. Never

**WARNING: Short Chapter!**

3. Never

Everything felt groggy and weird when Clare opened her eyes. She rubbed her head slightly, realizing that she was in her own bed. How did she get here again?

Memories flooded back to her at a sudden, rapid pace. Her speech at Darcy's funeral; Eli helping her throw the dirt in the grave; breaking down and crying on the ground; Eli carrying her to the car, Clare feeling safe in his arms.

Eli. Where was he?

"Clarebear?" Helen whispered from the doorway.

Clare looked up towards the door. "Mom?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Baby girl," Helen murmured, entering the room and sitting on the bed next to Clare. She placed a hand on Clare's knee in a comforting way, staring her daughter down. "How are you feeling?"

_What kind of shitty question is that? My sister just died! _Clare thought, but replied, "Not very good." She paused. "Where's Eli?"

Helen sighed._ Of course that's the first thing she'd want to know. _"He's downstairs, but baby -"

Clare ignored her mother and got up off the bed, heading downstairs, leaving her mother alone in her bedroom. Helen got up slowly and walked to her bedroom, closing the door.

Clare found him lying on the couch in the living room, but he didn't appear to be awake. You could tell that he'd been sitting up in an attempt to be respectful and awake, but he had eventually laid down and fallen asleep, worn out by the day.

Clare sat down on her knees next to the couch, brushing the fringe out of his eyes. _He looks so peaceful and at ease when he sleeps, _Clare thought to herself, continuing to smooth Eli's frazzled hair.

"Clare?" Eli mumbled, opening his dark green eyes to a squint.

Clare stopped rubbing his hair and smiled slightly. "Have a nice nap, sleepyhead?"

Eli grunted slightly as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I guess. Did you?"

Clare shook her head. "If I didn't even know I was sleeping, then I don't think I could have enjoyed the rest."

Eli made a face. "You make a valid point."

Clare stood up and moved to sit next to Eli on the couch. He wrapped a careful arm around her shoulders, and she scooted over to nuzzle into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"It's not even going to feel different," Clare whispered.

"What won't?"

"Darcy hasn't been home in so long…it won't feel any different with her dead. I've gotten so used to her absence."

"Maybe that's for the better?"

"How?"

"Well, maybe you'll forget more about the pain of losing her and not really think she's gone if you're used to not seeing her. You could…you could still pretend she's in Kenya, but she just…she'll just never come home," Eli suggested, though he didn't think deluding yourself into thinking somebody was still alive was a good idea.

Clare sighed. "Maybe. I don't want to forget about her, though."

"You'll never forget her," Eli said, shaking his head. "The ones we love can never be forgotten."

"Never," Clare repeated quietly. A pause, and then, "Is that why you can't let go of Julia?"

Eli cringed slightly, not knowing how to respond or what Clare was looking for.

"I won't be mad," Clare said softly, as if reading his thoughts.

Eli sighed, mumbling, "I guess so."

"Eli, I haven't and never will ask you to let go of Julia. I know you loved her and losing her wasn't easy. But I don't think living in the past is good either; you have to move on, even if she isn't here."

"That's what I'm doing, aren't I?"

"I would suppose so," Clare murmured.

To prove his point, Eli cupped a hand under her chin, turning her face towards his and leaning down to kiss her. Clare kissed him back, but keeping reserved. She didn't feel comfortable being intimate with Eli when her mother was upstairs.

Eli smirked as he pulled back a little, pressing his forehead against Clare's. "You're no fun."

"Shush, Eli," Clare teased.

They quickly pulled away from each other when the doorbell rang. After waiting a moment to see if her mother was going to come and answer the door, Clare got up and opened the door.

"For you," Adam said, holding a pot of little roses out to Clare as he peered in the doorway.

Clare took the pot with a smile. "Thank you, Adam. Want to come in?"

"Is Eli here?"

"Yes, Eli's here!" Eli called from the couch.

Adam chuckled under his breath. "Hmm, then I don't know if I should come in. I was intending on confessing my love for you, Clare, but…"

"I beg your pardon?" Eli asked, raising an eyebrow as he seemed to materialize behind Clare.

Adam looked at him in mock horror. "I was only playing! Don't kill me!"

Clare laughed once, pushing Eli out of her way as she went back into the living room to set the pot of roses on the coffee table. Adam and Eli followed her, and they all sat on the couch, Clare in the middle.

"I'm really sorry about your sister, though," Adam said, addressing Clare.

Clare nodded her head sadly. "Thanks again, Adam. It means a lot, it really does."

Eli's lower lip jutted out in a pout. "And I don't help at all?"

"What did I tell you about hushing up?" Clare joked, bopping Eli lightly on the nose with her index finger.

"You didn't. You just told me to shush," Eli contradicted her.

Clare rolled her eyes. "Enough with the sarcasm."

"So…one month until summer break. Excited?" Adam spoke up.

Eli shrugged. "If it means more PDA with Clare, then absolutely."

Clare nudged him gently in the ribs, and Adam made a face. "Keep those things to yourself, please. I don't need to know what sexual things are going on in your lives."

"Adam!" Clare exclaimed, and Eli snickered.

"What?" Adam asked innocently.

Clare narrowed her eyes in false annoyance, and Adam laughed along with Eli.

_It's nice to be joking around and having fun right now, _Clare thought to herself, beaming at both Eli and Adam. Eli kissed her forehead, and Adam rolled his eyes but wrapped his arms around Clare in a bear hug while Clare giggled.

From the top of the stairs, Helen had been watching her daughter and her friends. She smiled to herself, her daughter's happiness rebounding to her. This was what Clare needed right now - good friends that can make her laugh and keep her happy for the time being, just like they had been for how many months now.

Helen didn't know how she could ever repay these children, but if she ever found the chance, she knew she would. Helen practically owed these children her daughter's happiness.

Still smiling to herself, Helen turned around and retreated back upstairs, going back into her room and closing the door with a quiet _click._

**Author's Comment: Sorry for the shortness and non-plotiness. I kind of blanked on what to write, and trying to follow-up the last chapter was pretty hard. So this was just a light, happy chapter, because I thought that's what was needed. :) Review please!**


	4. Unusual

**Kind of short chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it. :)**

4. Unusual

"Clare, do you have that essay for me?" Ms. Dawes asked the moment Clare half-ran into English class, panting heavily.

"Yes, yes, I do," she heaved, opening the notebook she was carrying and flipping through it until she found the page with her essay on it. She handed it to the teacher, who assessed it carefully, flipping through the pages.

"There's a lot of…corrections made to this paper - scribbled out in pen, no less. You didn't have time to type it up?" Ms. Dawes asked flatly.

"I…no," Clare said dejectedly as she went to sit in her seat, Eli looking at her curiously.

"I don't know if I can accept this, Miss Edwards," Ms. Dawes said, sighing. She couldn't help but wonder why one of her top students was quickly descending from her rank in the classroom.

Clare said nothing, too ashamed of herself to make up excuses.

"If you don't mind, Ms. Dawes," Eli piped up, and Clare stifled a groan, "Clare's had a lot on her mind lately. I think she deserves a break. I would add that technically we all do since summer is two weeks away, but that would be pushing it."

Ms. Dawes attempted to keep in a smile; Eli's wit always entertained her. But maybe Clare did deserve a break. Ms. Dawes wasn't heartless, and she knew that Clare's sister had just died; it was probably hard for her to keep a straight head right now. "All right, fine. But you have two days to complete this essay, Miss Edwards, and I expect at the very least a B-worthy paper."

"Thank you," Clare replied graciously.

Clare only half-listened to the rest of the class, tapping her pencil against the desktop repeatedly. When the bell rang, she hurried to get up, taking her notebook back from Ms. Dawes before walking out.

A hand on her shoulder made Clare turn slightly. "I don't get a thank you?" Eli asked, dropping his hand and following Clare to her locker.

"Thank you," Clare mumbled, unlocking her locker and opening it, getting out her stuff for Biology.

Eli frowned. "Clare…I know you're upset about your sister's passing, but that doesn't mean you should just give up on everything."

"What makes you think I've given up?" Clare snapped, slamming her locker door shut.

Eli looked at her with risen eyebrows. "Obviously you didn't try very hard on that paper, and you didn't try to plead for more time to work on it either. Your grades are dropping, you're always late for class - Clare, face it, you're a wreck."

"Is this your way of trying to make me feel better? 'Cause it sucks," Clare said dryly, starting to walk away from Eli and her locker.

Eli followed after her persistently. "Clare, if you'd just listen -"

"Listen to what? It's not like you're helping me here! You're just telling me what's wrong with me!" Clare yelled, whipping around to face him.

Eli stopped short in his tracks. "I _am _trying to help!"

"Well, then, like I said, you're not doing a very good job," Clare grumbled, turning back around and walking to her Biology class.

Eli blinked, watching her go. She was acting so unusual, so unlike herself lately. Eli knew that there were probably better ways to help Clare out, but he was trying, wasn't he?

Eli tried not to be hurt by her reaction - he had done that to her every so often, after all - no matter how unlike her it was.

"What was that about?" a voice asked suddenly.

Eli jumped slightly, whipping around to look at Adam. "I don't know."

Adam shrugged. "Grief makes a person crazy, I guess."

Eli would protest, but he had to agree with Adam. Clare was acting crazy, for her. He wouldn't have expected any less, though.

"You have no right to judge," Adam pointed out.

"I didn't say anything," Eli told him sourly.

Adam shrugged. "I'm just saying. Now are we going to head to Pre-Calc or not?"

Eli sighed, shaking his head to clear any worries for Clare right now, and walked to his locker to get his books.

* * *

As Clare walked away from the school when it let out, she couldn't help but feel bad that she had snapped at Eli today. He had been trying to help, though he didn't have the most comforting way of doing it. She should try not to be so sensitive.

_It's not like it's your fault, _Clare thought to herself. _You're allowed to be a bit testy considering the circumstances. Heck, Eli does it all the time. Why can't I just this once?_

Feeling a bit more reassured, Clare continued on her way home.

When she opened the door, she called, "Dad?" knowing he was going to be staying with her this week. No answer.

Clare shrugged - he must still be at work, then. She dropped her bag onto the floor and turned on the computer, opening a blank Word file and beginning to restart her essay.

Her mind was blank and wandering as she dully typed up the essay. Her eyes, drifting away from the computer screen, landed on a framed picture on the desk.

"I thought Mom got rid of that picture," Clare mumbled out loud, staring at the picture some more.

It was the picture of her, Darcy, and her father skiing in Aspen. Clare was so sure that her mother had packed that away when her parents had divorced, but maybe, in light of recent events…

Pain coursing through her, Clare laid the photo face down, not wanting to see Darcy's smiling face and remembering that she wasn't really here.

Suddenly, Clare jumped, hearing a beeping noise coming from the computer. Calming herself down, she read the little IM box that had popped up on her screen.

**eli-gold49: **Sorry about today. You okay?

Clare sighed, slowly laying her finger tips across the keyboard before typing her response.

**clare-e23: **…I'm fine.

**eli-gold49: **Do you want me to come over and help you with your essay?

Clare smiled slightly to herself.

**clare-e23: **How did you know I was working on it?

**eli-gold49: **I'm totally watching you from the window right now ;D

Clare instinctively whipped around to look at the living room window, then laughed quietly when she realized that, of course, Eli could not be out there. How would he be IMing her if he was there?

**clare-e23: **Ha. Ha. Very funny.

**eli-gold49: **Made ya look, didn't I?

**clare-e23: **…

**eli-gold49: **I'll be over in a few minutes

Clare was beginning to type a protest when Eli signed off. Huffing exasperatedly to herself, Clare closed the IM box and continued working on the essay, forcing herself to focus.

When the expected knock came on her door, Clare got up from her seat and opened it. Eli walked in with a, "Hello" and sat himself on the couch.

"Getting more and more used to just walking in here, are you?" Clare asked, an amused expression showing on her face.

Eli smirked. "Why don't you take a break?" he said, beckoning to her to sit next to him.

Clare sat down next to him hesitantly, raising her eyebrows. "And I thought you came here to help me work?"

Eli shrugged. "Eh, we can do that later."

"You know I don't like to procrastinate, Eli," Clare said with a frown.

"You have two days to work on it, Blue Eyes. We have time," Eli murmured, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and looking down at her.

Clare picked up his hand and removed his arm from around her. "Well, I want to get it done now."

Eli sighed, not knowing whether to argue with her or just agree. He looked at her, assessing how she would react to either.

"What? Not used to having a girlfriend who likes to get work done?" Clare barked.

Eli narrowed his eyes at her. "What makes you assume Julia was the opposite of you?"

"I don't know. If you and her were so alike, I can only assume she liked to just hang out and relax all the time and not take any responsibilities," Clare retorted.

Eli stood up. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I shouldn't have come over."

"I never asked you too!" Clare exclaimed, jumping to her feet as well.

"Fine then. I'll be going - good luck with that essay," Eli said dryly, walking himself to the front door.

Clare hurried after him, but not to stop him. She pulled open the door, practically ushering him out. "I don't need your luck!" she shouted after him before slamming the door.

Turning around and leaning against the door, Clare hid her face in her hands, sinking to the floor and screaming for a minute before she broke into tears.

**Author's Note: Wow, it appears as if my story is bi-polar. o.O Sad chapters, happy chapters, angry chapters - I'm all over the place here! Haha, well, I hope you guys still liked it. Review, please! :)**


	5. On Edge

**Another short chapter and kind of uneventful, but you should read it anyway! ;) **

5. On Edge

Eli sat in Morty for awhile, resting his forehead against the steering wheel and keeping his eyes closed. He still hadn't driven away from Clare's house yet; what was he waiting for?

Whatever had just taken place…that had happened way to quickly for Eli to even register it. They had gone from moderately happy to see each other to…just plain arguing. How had they even gotten to the point where they were just angry?

_It must be because of Clare_, Eli decided, though he didn't want to put the blame on her. _She's been so on edge lately; I should have just left her alone._

However, Eli didn't want to leave Clare alone. He cared for her too much to let her suffer in silence, even if that seemed best.

But then how could he help her? Nothing seemed best, and Eli wasn't even sure how he could apologize for just now. Why did everything have to be so hard?

Opening his eyes, Eli started the hearse and driving away from Clare's house and heading for Adam's. Hopefully he wouldn't mind the unexpected visit.

When he parked Morty and knocked on the front door, Adam opened it. Assessing Eli for a moment, he squirmed uncomfortably. "I'm a bit busy right now, Eli."

"I just want to talk," Eli insisted, sticking his foot in the door so Adam couldn't close it.

Adam sighed, but before he could say anything, a girl's voice from inside called, "Is everything all right, Adam?"

Eli wiggled his eyebrows at Adam. "Is that why you won't let me in?"

Adam chuckled nervously. "Um…yeah. But if you really need to talk…then come on in." Adam opened the door wider, and Eli walked in.

Fiona was sitting on the couch in the living room, and she looked up when Adam and Eli came in. "Oh, hello…Eli, right?"

Eli nodded as Adam sat beside Fiona, and Fiona took Adam's hand in her own. Eli awkwardly sat across from them in a recliner.

"You don't mind that I interrupted, do you?" Eli asked after awhile.

"No, um, not at all," Fiona replied, shaking her head.

They sat in silence again before Adam murmured, "So…what do you want to talk about?"

"It's Clare," Eli said, leaning forward in his chair and folding his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Oh, the girl who's sister just died," Fiona piped up. "Holly J told me about that girl…Darcy, I think her name was. But they were rivals…so I didn't hear many good things."

Eli nodded slightly, but didn't respond to what Fiona had said. "Adam, you've seen how on edge she is lately. I went to her house to make up for earlier in school, and she snapped again. I don't know if she was in a good mood before I came over, but if she was than I ruined it somehow. I don't know what do."

Adam stared at Eli, astonishment plain on his features. "For one, I think you suck at handling these situations..." Adam quickly changed what he was saying when Eli glared at him. "…but…maybe you should just give her some space. Let her cool down."

Eli opened his mouth to respond when Fiona interjected. "No, don't do that! The last thing she needs is to be alone right now! Have you tried just sitting down with her and letting her vent?"

Eli shook his head.

"Try that then. Let her just take out all her emotions on you and not say anything about it. Hold her, let her cry until she can't even cry anymore. Let her wail and scream and pull your hair and punch you. Don't try to stop her, even if she's hurting you. She can't bottle up her emotions or else she will keep snapping at you. She's afraid to let it out, but she needs too."

"Fiona, you're wide span of knowledge amazes me," Adam said, kissing her cheek.

"I _am _a girl, after all," Fiona assured him.

Adam looked at Eli, a panicky expression lighting his face. Eli shook his head, informing Adam that he wouldn't tell Fiona a thing. Adam nodded in thanks, and Eli stood up.

"Hold up," Fiona said quickly. Eli raised an eyebrow. "I do suggest…waiting, until tomorrow at least."

"But won't the emotions just pile up even more since she'll be feeling guilty about yelling at Eli?" Adam asked innocently.

Fiona sighed in exasperation. "Fine then. Go to her. But gather your thoughts on what you intend to say so that she'll let you in the house first."

Eli nodded. "Thanks, Fiona. You too, Adam," Eli said before Adam could complain. "I'll see you guys at school Monday."

"Good luck, Eli," Adam called before Eli closed the door behind him.

Eli got into Morty, but didn't intend on going to Clare's straight away. He knew her father would have just gotten home from work around now, which means they'd be eating dinner. Eli would have to wait until around late, when Clare's dad was sure to be asleep, but not Clare.

_Eight-thirty then, _Eli decided.

As he began to drive to The Dot to wait out the time, he noticed a floral shop. Smiling to himself, he stopped outside it and ran in quickly, buying what had interested him and then going back to Morty.

_Hopefully things will be better, _Eli thought to himself.

Of course, he forgot the fact that things couldn't get better until Clare cried her eyes out, which was a sight Eli would not be looking forward to.

**Author's Note: No worries, the next chapter will be way better and very emotional and enjoyable. Review, please! :)**


	6. Let It Out

**Here's the good chapter I promised! Enjoy! ;D**

6. Let It Out

"I'm going to bed, sweetheart," Randall told Clare as he started to walk up the stairs.

"Okay. Good night, Dad," Clare replied dully, not turning her gaze away from the television to look at her father.

Randall sighed and went up to his room, closing the door, turning off the lights, and crawling into bed.

A minute or so later, a quiet knock sounded on the front door. Frowning, Clare got up and opened it. She was unsure whether or not to slam the door in Eli's face, but decided not to. She felt bad yelling at him earlier, though she knew it wasn't all her fault. But they needed to reconcile anyway.

"May I come in, please?" Eli asked, holding out a single white rose to Clare.

She took the rose hesitantly, not smiling, but opening the door wider for Eli to come in. He moved past her, sitting on the couch for what felt like the tenth time today.

Clare closed the door, but didn't move to sit over next to Eli on the couch. Eli watched her for a moment before turning off the television.

"Clare…I'm sorry if I set you off earlier," Eli started.

Clare held up a hand. "Wait. Is this discussion going to be you apologizing or criticizing me?"

"Neither," Eli said, and Clare rose an eyebrow. "Just hear me out. I don't want to do the talking here; I want you to. Tell me everything that's on your mind. Let out your emotions. I don't want you to suppress your hurt and your anger, Clare. Instead of snapping at people, just take it out all on me right now. I won't get mad at you if you punch me in the face a few times - I deserve them anyway." Eli smirked.

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Clare whispered, now sitting next to him on the couch.

"I want you to be happier and get better. So I'm willing to take any steps to any measure. I love you, Clare," Eli said firmly.

Clare's eyes widened. Eli…loved her? _Obviously, stupid, or else he wouldn't be here saying this._ "I…I love you too, Eli. And that's why I won't do what you're asking."

Eli sighed, trying to hold back a genuine smile at her words. "Please, Clare."

"I miss Darcy, Eli," Clare finally broke down. "Even though I am used to her absence, I still know she's gone. I want her back. I want her here with me. I never…I hadn't seen her in so long…and then she was just gone. I didn't get to say goodbye to her."

The tears were quickly started to roll down Clare's cheeks, and Eli grimaced, trying to ignore the pain he felt in his heart as he watched her cry. This was a stupid idea. He should have taken into consideration the fact that it would hurt him to watch this.

_It's not about you, Eli. This is about Clare. She needs to let this all out._

"And I just…I hate the guy who took her from me. Him being in prison for life…that's not enough. He should be dead!" Clare shouted, pounding her fist down on Eli's knee. It was a feeble blow, so she didn't hurt him at all, but this was what Eli wanted from her.

"He doesn't deserve to live! He took an innocent young woman's life who had a whole life ahead of her. Darcy was such a good person, going to Kenya to do charity work, and where the hell did that get her?" Clare yelled, pounding her fists harder against Eli's leg.

Eli nodded his head, signaling that he was still listening and not flinching as her blows got more forceful, slightly more painful each time.

"And I just…I just…I wish I could confront this man….and just…and just…" Clare pulled back her fist, and Eli closed his eyes as Clare's fist collided with his bottom lip.

Clare drew her hands up to her face, her mouth pursed in an O shape. "Oh Eli, I'm so sorry!" she gasped.

Eli touched the corner of his lip where a bead of blood had collected. "Don't worry. I'm fine - it didn't hurt as bad as it did when Fitz punched me in the face."

"Eli, I can't go on with this. I'm going to end up hurting you worse," Clare told him.

"Clare. Don't you feel a bit more…relieved now?" Eli asked.

Clare paused, looking down at the rose that was laying on her lap. "Yes, I suppose so."

"Then keep going until you feel no more stress at all," Eli pressed.

Clare swallowed and didn't talk for a moment, wiping the tearstains on her cheeks and under her eyes away. "Eli…I don't know what else I can say."

"Then cry or punch it all out," Eli insisted.

Clare smiled weakly. "I'd rather cry than hurt you," she managed to say. Eli wrapped his arms around her tightly, and Clare again started to cry into his chest. Eli didn't like how many times this had happened recently, but what should he expect? The loss of a loved one tended to cause a lot of crying, or so he assumed.

After what seemed like hours, Clare sniffled, but the sobbing had stopped. Eli looked down at his girlfriend, and she gave him a watery smile.

"I think I'm all cried out," Clare murmured.

"Forever, or just for now?" Eli questioned her curiously.

"Probably just for now," Clare said. "Do you intend on making me do this more in the future?"

"Absolutely! Until your grades have risen back to their normal standards and you're remotely cheerful," Eli replied.

"Well…can we clean you up at least?" Clare asked, getting up and taking Eli's hand.

"Why not?" Eli rolled his eyes. Clare led him into the kitchen, one hand holding the rose, the other holding his hand. She dropped his hand as she rummaged through the drawers, finding a small glass vase to put the rose in. She did so, filling it with water and placing it on the center of the table.

Clare then proceeded to break a few cubes of ice out of a tray, wrapping a cloth around them. Beckoning Eli over, she pressed the cold ice on the corner of his bottom lip gently.

Eli hissed through his teeth, the cold stinging him for a moment.

"Sorry, sorry," Clare mumbled. When she was positive his lip wouldn't swell, she dropped the ice into the sink to melt, then wet the tip of the now empty cloth. She carefully rubbed away the dried blood on Eli's lip.

"All better…" she murmured, staring into his green eyes.

Eli quickly leaned down to press his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist. Clare jumped slightly, surprised by this little sneak attack. She dropped the cloth as she slowly wrapped her arms around Eli's neck, kissing him back with force.

Thoughts were racing through Eli's head as he wondered where he should let this lead to. Clare's dad was home, after all, but fast asleep.

Was Clare even ready? Or was she just emotionally unstable and unsure? Only one way to find out then.

Eli hooked one of Clare's legs around his waist, and when she, instead of protesting, threw the other leg around his waist, Eli didn't hesitate to carry her up the stairs, not moving their lips away from each other's.

Eli struggled to open Clare's door, but when he did, he automatically closed it behind him, dropping Clare gently on the bed. Placing a hand on either side of her body, he continued to kiss her as Clare swiftly reached down to unbutton his pants.

"Wait, wait, wait," Eli said, breaking away for a second. "Are you sure?"

"Couldn't be more sure," Clare breathed.

"Clare…" Eli protested.

"Please, Eli," Clare groaned.

With a sigh, Eli finally relented.

* * *

Clare pulled the bed sheets up to her chest afterwards, turning to look at Eli. His eyes were avoiding her, staring up at the ceiling, lost in some world of his.

She could spoil the moment by talking, but this felt more like a time to…soak in what they'd just done. For Clare, more like what she'd just accomplished.

She was no longer Saint Clare. That reputation just went out the window - not that anybody needed to know that. Clare would have to remind Eli that this stayed between the two of them.

Clare barely cared that she wasn't…pure anymore. In fact, sex seemed completely worth it now, especially since she had waited for the right person to come along. She felt so proud of herself knowing that she wouldn't regret losing her virginity to Eli, unlike Alli with Johnny.

"Clare?" Eli murmured.

"Hmm?"

"…You okay?"

"…Yeah, I'm fine."

Eli sat up in bed, keeping the bed sheets covering his waist and below. "It didn't…you weren't hurting, right?"

Clare frowned and shook her head. "…No."

"And you wouldn't lie to me, right?"

"Eli, you're ruining it."

"What?"

"The nice little bubble I was just in. You're poking it to see if it'll pop," Clare told him, sitting up as well but holding the bed sheets up around her.

Eli smirked. "Sorry. So…you're not regretting a thing?"

"Not at all," Clare said, smiling before tilting her head up to kiss him gently.

Eli kissed her back and then wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled in closer to him. Clare placed a palm on his chest, heat radiating off him.

_This is nice, _Clare thought to herself. _Maybe things can get better._

**Author's Note: I couldn't just have Clare punch out Eli the whole time. Things needed to get happier afterwards, and why not take advantage of the fact that it was nighttime and Clare's dad was asleep? xD I really wanted Clare to lose her virginity in this story, but I wanted to do it more realistic than you might see in other fanfics. I hope you all liked it. Review, please! :)**


	7. No Idea

**A relatively short, uneventful chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway! **

7. No Idea

A knock on the bedroom door startled Eli, and the door opened quickly before he had the time to at least duck under the covers.

Randall stared at Eli for a moment, then at Clare's sleeping form on Eli's chest. "I don't want to jump to conclusions here…" Randall started off slowly, obviously attempting not to blow up.

"Sir, we were only sleeping," Eli said quickly, an honest expression crossing his face.

"With your shirt off?" Randall asked tightly.

"…Clare was cold," Eli mumbled, not knowing if that excuse would stand.

"Right. Well…when she wakes up, I'd appreciate it if you put your shirt back on then. Do your parents know you're here?" Randall said.

"Yes, they do, sir," Eli lied.

"I guess I'll…see you later, then," Randall muttered curtly before closing the door and walking downstairs.

Eli chuckled after he left, and the vibrations he made caused Clare to wake.

"What did I miss?" she mumbled sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Your dad just came in to check up on you," Eli said, stifling laughter.

Clare's eyes widened practically as large as saucers. "My _dad_?"

"Yep. No worries; I lied and told him we were only sleeping."

"_My dad?_" Clare repeated, her voice panicky.

"Clare, calm down. He didn't blow up, or start yelling, or anything," Eli assured her.

"That's how you know he's absolutely furious," Clare whispered fiercely. "If he's able to seem calm about a situation that he should get mad about, then that means he's trying really hard not to blow up, because if he does…oh God, Eli!"

"Well…I'll stick around for awhile so he can't start screaming at you the moment I leave. If I hang around long enough, he should cool down by the time I have to leave. Okay?" Eli asked, kissing Clare's forehead gently.

Clare sighed. "Thanks." After a long moment of silence, Clare suddenly burst out laughing. When Eli looked at her curiously, Clare said, "I just realized how hilarious that must have been. For you."

Eli wrinkled his nose. "Well thanks."

"Sorry. Just when I thought my parents were beginning to like you…your rep just got ruined again."

"You're the one who messed it up for me first, remember?"

Clare waved her hand dismissively, trying to ignore the wave of guilt that was about to crash over her. "Yes, yes, well they would have found out about you and what you're like eventually."

Eli rolled his eyes. "Whatever. So, what's on your emotional agenda today?"

Clare narrowed her eyes playfully at him. "Haha, very funny." Clare paused. "Depends."

"On?"

"On whether or not you can keep me distracted all day," Clare said, giving a small smile.

A small ringing sound seemed to suddenly come from Clare's floor, and Eli grunted as he reached down to pick up his pants, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Eli studied the text for a minute, holding back a grin. He dropped the phone beside him, then looked at Clare. "How does going to a socialite party sound to you?"

A smile crept onto Clare's face. "What do you mean?"

"Adam just texted me. He said Fiona's throwing a party tonight for a bunch of high-class people and invited us. She said, quote, 'To hopefully lift Clare's spirits.'"

"That's way too kind of her," Clare began to protest.

"Clare. Stop right there. We're going. You're going to enjoy yourself. You, me, and Adam - we're going to have a blast. Okay?"

"I thought fancy parties weren't your scene," Clare teased.

"Where did you come up with that idea?" Eli scoffed.

Clare rolled her eyes. "Never mind, then. What time is it?"

"Seven o'clock. Will your dad let you go?"

"I don't really care what he has to say."

"Clare, can we please not go down that road again?"

"What do you mean?"

"The rebellion against your parents. Can we not do that again?"

Clare sighed. "All right. You got me. But I won't ask for his permission to go to that party."

Eli got out of bed, and Clare blushed and turned away as he pulled on his pants and shirt. He ran a hand through his hair and smirked sheepishly at Clare.

"So, will we be having a delightful breakfast with your father?" Eli asked.

Clare chuckled awkwardly, getting up but keeping the bed sheets pulled around her. "Sure. Can you go so I can change?"

"Do I have to wait for you downstairs?"

"…No."

"Then I'll wait outside your door," Eli said firmly as he walked out the door, leaning against the doorframe as Clare closed the door in his face with a teasing grin.

After a few minutes, Clare came out of the room looking refreshed and clean, any trace of what they had done last night erased as shown in her soft, brushed curls and her powdered-dry face. Eli smiled at her and followed her down the stairs into the kitchen, where Randall was sitting at the table sipping coffee and reading the paper, like any dad would be pictured in a movie.

Randall looked up when the couple entered the kitchen, staring at Eli like a hawk. Eli avoided his interrogating eyes. Eli leaned against a counter awkwardly and watched the father and daughter - well, mostly Clare.

"'Morning, Dad," Clare murmured, sitting across the table from him. A plate was already set for her, some buttered toast and eggs on it. She picked up a piece of toast and nibbled on it, not looking at her father either.

Randall cleared his throat. "Care to explain what Eli was doing in your bed with you?"

"He came over last night, and I didn't want him to leave," Clare said bluntly.

"And you didn't find it necessary to tell me he was here, much less spending the night?" Randall pressed.

"No," Clare replied, finishing off her slice of toast and starting on her eggs.

Eli wanted to tell Clare to stop, but decided not to say anything. Even if they were talking about him, it wasn't his place to say anything.

"Clare Diana Edwards," Randall warned her.

"Yes?" Clare asked, looking at her father with an irritated look on her face.

Randall sighed. "Look, Clare, I know everything's been rough on you lately, but -"

Clare stood up suddenly and walked over an took Eli by the arm. "You have _no _idea, so don't pretend that you do," Clare said coldly to her father. "Come on, Eli."

"Clare!" Randall called angrily, but Clare ignored him, dragging Eli out of the house and to Morty.

"Clare, where are we going?" Eli asked.

"I don't know. Take me anywhere, Eli. Anywhere," Clare grumbled, getting into the passenger side of the door.

Eli frowned but got into the driver's seat, starting the hearse and pulling away from Clare's house.

Clare turned slightly and looked back at her house, watching the house get smaller and smaller as they drove farther and farther away.

**Author's Note: I had writer's block, then came up with an idea, but realized I couldn't use it until the next chapter unless I wanted to make this chapter really long, so... xD Review please! :)**


	8. Party

**I think you guys will like this chapter, despite my worries about it. Enjoy! :)**

8. Party

"So, are we going to head back to your house so you can find something to wear for the party in an hour?" Eli asked once they left The Dot.

"I don't really feel like going home to a lecture," Clare mumbled.

Eli made a face as they climbed into Morty. "Then what do you intend on wearing?"

Clare searched through her jeans pocket and pulled out a wad of cash, counting the bills. "I might possibly have enough for a new dress. Do you mind going shopping with me?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Eli commented, pulling out of the parking spot and heading for the nearest dress shop.

"No, not really. Thank you!" Clare chimed.

The ride was quiet until they got to the shop. Clare got out of the hearse and into the shop while Eli tried to find a parking spot. She walked through the old dress shop, brushing her hand against the old extravagant dresses. She grabbed a few to try on and headed to a dressing room to try them on.

"Clare?" she heard Eli call.

"In here!" Clare answered, pulling on a strapless blue dress. She opened the dressing room door and spun around once. "What do you think?"

"Honest opinion?" Eli asked. Clare nodded. "It's not really you…and it's quite plain."

Clare stuck her tongue out at him. "Well fine then. I'll try on something else." She headed back into the dressing room and switched on another dress, a spaghetti-strap sparkling cream-colored dress. She opened the door again and asked, "Well?"

Eli nodded. "Much better. Though you need something on the top. Too much flesh being shown."

"You don't like that?" Clare asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm fine with it. But I don't need any high-class guys hitting on you, thank you very much."

Clare chuckled under her breath. "Why am I taking outfit advice from my boyfriend?"

Eli stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Because you love me and my opinions?"

"Right…" Clare mumbled. "Well, go find me a shawl or something then, Mr. I Know Everything."

Eli let go of Clare and looked around the shop for a minute, looking along the tables until he found something. "Here," he said, tossing a matching sparkling cream shawl to her.

Clare wrapped it around her. "What do you think now?"

"Much better," Eli said, ducking down and kissing her cheek.

"Mm. Thanks," Clare murmured, turning and going back into the dressing room and changing into her clothes. She returned some of the dresses to her rack and paid for the dress and shawl.

She met up with Eli back outside of the shop, and they both got back into Morty and headed to Eli's house so they could ready themselves for the party.

* * *

"Eli, can you hurry up? And they stereotype that girls take forever to get ready!" Clare teased as she stood outside Eli's bedroom door, playing with the shawl around her shoulders.

Eli opened the door, smirking. "I'm about to go to a giant fancy party. I think I need a lot of time to do myself up."

"It's not like I've been to any of these myself," Clare scoffed.

"Yes, but you look fantastic effortlessly," Eli pointed out.

"Oh please," Clare said, rolling her eyes but blushing slightly.

"CeCe! Look at our boy! Dressed all fancy!" a rough voice yelled.

Eli groaned as Bullfrog and CeCe walked towards them from their room, grinning widely.

"Aw, my baby boy! You look so cute in your coat and tie!" CeCe gushed, obviously out to embarrass Eli, but there was a sparkle in her eye that said how proud she really was of her son.

"Clarebear, make sure he has a great time tonight, and make sure he behaves. Going to this kind of party…he needs to build a good reputation," Bullfrog instructed.

Clare laughed. "I will, sir!"

"We should be going," Eli mumbled, grabbing Clare's hand and pulling her past his parents and down the stairs.

"Wait, wait!" CeCe cried, running to her room and then chasing them downstairs. "Pictures!" she panted, holding up a digital camera.

"No, Mom!" Eli moaned.

"Oh, stop making a fuss. It'll only take a few minutes!" CeCe said, turning on the camera. "Now smile!"

Clare held in a laugh as Eli wrapped an arm around her waist. CeCe snapped the camera, telling them to pose differently, or move over, or smile wider. Finally she released them, and Eli didn't waste any time rushing them over to Fiona's condo.

The door automatically flew open the moment Clare and Eli knocked, and Fiona grinned widely at them. "Yay, you came!" she cheered. "Come in!"

Eli looked curiously at Fiona as they walked into the large condo. Music was blaring through the rooms, but not obnoxiously. It was…classy pop music, you could say - something adults could enjoy, but still keep teenagers entertained.

"Do you want me to find Adam for you?" Fiona chirped, picking up a glass of champagne from a waiter with a tray nearby.

"No, don't worry about us. We'll find him," Clare assured her.

"Okay!" Fiona said, sipping from her glass and walking away.

After awhile of searching and trying to avoid talking to people, Clare and Eli found Adam talking to a scruffy looking person.

"Declan?" Clare asked, smiling.

"Propmaster Clare!" Declan replied, grinning too.

"'Sup, Adam," Eli said, turning to talk to Adam. "Fantastic party!"

"Fiona's one for parties," Adam told Eli with a nod.

"How has everything been for you?" Clare asked Declan kindly.

Declan shrugged. "Okay, though it's very lonely at Vanderbilt, what with no Fiona, and no interesting girls…"

"…like Holly J?" Clare finished for him.

Declan nodded cautiously. "It's nice to take a break every once and awhile from the private school life and check up on my sister. And you? How's life been for you?"

Clare made a face. "Not all that good, to be honest."

"Come on, Eli. Let's go raid the appetizer table," Adam suggested, elbowing Eli in the arm.

Eli rolled his eyes. "You're so immature…but let's."

Declan watched Eli and Adam go, then looked at Clare. "Life's a bitch, but it has its ups and downs. Right now, I'd say you're in the middle," Declan told her, nodding his head at Eli, who was taking a bite out of a piece of calamari.

Clare gave him a small smile. "Eli's been very good to me, I'll have to admit."

Declan returned her smile with his signature one. "You should be thankful to have someone like him when you're having a rough time."

"I am incredibly thankful," Clare said sincerely.

"If you'd excuse me," Declan said, walking away to talk to a girl that had been eyeing him from across the room.

Clare was about to walk over to Adam and Eli when she jumped as an arm collapsed around her shoulders.

"Hitting it up with my brother, were you?" Fiona laughed, drinking champagne from a new glass that was dangling from her hand.

Clare blinked a few times, seeing how obvious it was that Fiona was drunk. "N-no, we were just making polite conversation."

"That's what they all say until he gets them hooked," Fiona said with a wink. "Hold this for me, please, will you?" she drawled, pushing the glass into Clare's hands. "Patricia, darling!" Fiona shouted, stumbling across the room.

Clare stared after her, shaking her head. That would be quiet a mess for Adam to deal with tomorrow. She walked over to the appetizer table, where Eli and Adam were still casually stuffing themselves with food.

"Ooo, Clare's got some bubbly," Adam said, referring to the drink in her hand.

"Oh no, it's not mine -"

"But you're holding it. Come on, Clare, give it a try," Adam goaded her.

"I really don't think I should -"

"Come on, Clare! Live a little!"

"Dude, don't pressure her. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to," Eli mumbled to Adam.

Clare looked between her two friends, scrunched up her face in determination, and brought the glass to her lips, tipping it back and drinking until there was no champagne left.

It had a…strange taste. It wasn't exactly sweet, but it was strong and it overpowered Clare's senses. It wasn't carbonated, and it made her throat kind of dry after swallowing.

"Woo, Saint Clare!" Adam shouted, a grin spreading across his face.

Another waiter with a tray of champagne walked by them, and Clare quickly traded her empty glass for a full one. She smiled feebly and downed the champagne, closing her eyes and waiting for the feeling of accomplishment and breaking the rules overcome her.

"Clare, take it easy," Eli warned her, concern making his face tight.

"Loosen up, Eli," Clare told him, then giggling once before she finished the little bit of champagne left in the glass. "Waiter!" she called, beckoning to the waiter that had just left for another drink.

This was what she had needed. A break from reality. Drinking all this alcohol…it made Clare feel good for some reason. There was an adrenaline rush from knowing what she was doing was wrong, and it kept her giddy and wanting to drink more. She had to if she wanted to stay happy.

"Adam! Adam, dear!" Fiona called drunkly, making her way over to the appetizer table where they were still standing. "My mother just arrived, and I'd like to introduce her to you."

"Princess…you're a little drunk. Is that really such a good idea?" Adam asked her hesitantly.

Fiona hiccupped. "Oh don't be silly! I haven't had that many drinks…" Fiona turned to look at Clare. "Wow! Look at you, boozing it up! Good for you!" Fiona finally just grabbed Adam's arm. "Come!"

Adam looked pleadingly at Eli as he was dragged away, and Eli could only smirk at him. That would be an interesting story to hear later.

Eli now looked at Clare with a risen eyebrow. It wasn't like her to want to do what she knows is wrong, though she does have her moments. _This must be one of those times when she feels that she needs an escape._

"Hey, Clare, why don't I just…take that from you…" Eli said, carefully taking the glass of champagne out of Clare's hand.

Clare watched him put the glass down on the table, then looked at him with glittering eyes. "Come with me, Eli," she crooned, taking his hand and tugging him away from the party.

"Where are we going, exactly?" Eli asked hesitantly, not liking where this was going.

"You'll see," Clare giggled as she pushed open a door.

"Fiona's bedroom?" Eli said, assessing the room. "Clare…"

Clare then practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Please Eli?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

Eli stared back into her blue eyes, the beautiful blue eyes that had started everything for them…and couldn't see the real Clare in them. Her eyes were foggy from the alcohol and her breath blowing on him wasn't the sweet breath he had tasted once before. "No, Clare."

"Eli!" Clare whined, her lip jutting into a puppy dog pout. "Why not?"

"Clare, you're drunk. You're not yourself right now. This isn't a good idea."

Clare stamped her foot on the ground, acting like a little child throwing a tantrum. "I don't care! I want you, Eli!"

Eli couldn't help but smirk slightly. "I know, but we can't. Come on, I think we should go home."

"No!" Clare cried. "I don't want to go home! I don't like being in that house! I hate my dad! I hate my mom! I miss Darcy! I want you, Eli!" Clare fell down onto the bed, tears again falling from her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that week. Her shawl fell down from her shoulders, making her look so helpless and scared.

Eli sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. "I know, I know," he chanted over and over again, closing his eyes and just letting her cry. He had thought that maybe last night had cured all of her sadness for now, and that she could be herself again.

Obviously, he had been wrong. Losing her sister would take Clare a very long time to get over - maybe she never even would. Eli found himself terrified and angry at the prospect that Clare might never be the same again.

Clare would always be weighed down by sadness and bottled up anger. Her parents had made sure of that, and the guy who had murdered her sister. She could never be care-free or happy for a long period of time without a relapse of this…depression.

And it killed Eli. It really did.

**Author's Note: So, while I wrote this chapter, I feared that I was losing the real personalities of the characters that I was portraying. Writing Clare this way was a bit hard because I wasn't sure if she'd ever do something like this. Then I considered the fact that she had a rebellion stage in the show, and figured maybe she would. Let me know what you guys think and how I did! :)**


	9. Anything

9. Anything

Clare woke up the next morning with the worst headache and the foggiest memory. It took her a moment to register the fact that she wasn't in her room. Looking around, she realized this was Eli's room.

"You're awake," Eli mumbled, staring down at Clare. He was sitting propped upright in bed, hands folded on his lap.

Clare groaned, rubbing her head and sitting up. "What…?"

"You got drunk at Fiona's party last night," Eli filled her in. "Then tried to seduce me…and then broke down. And then passed out."

Clare groaned again, her eyes closing. "I'm so sorry, Eli. I didn't…I don't know why I'm so messed up."

Eli opened his mouth to say something, then held back his remark. "Am I supposed to agree with you and give you an excuse why, or am I supposed to protest and say you aren't?" Clare gave him a look, and Eli shrugged. "I don't want to say the wrong thing here."

They grew quiet, turning to avoid each other's eyes. Finally, Clare asked, "What do you mean I 'tried to seduce you'?"

Eli cleared his throat. "You, ah, pulled me into Fiona's bedroom and then threw yourself at me. Literally." The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk.

"Oh, geez," Clare moaned. "I must have been seriously drunk."

"I think I feel a bit offended," Eli scoffed.

A look of panic suddenly crossed Clare's face. "My father! He's going to murder me!"

"Now this is where you owe me," Eli said. Clare's brow furrowed in confusion, and Eli continued, "I called your father and told him you weren't feeling well and that you'd be staying at my house where I could care for you."

"And he didn't yell at you to just bring me home?"

Eli shook his head. "Surprisingly, no. He just said 'fine.'"

"Well that was incredibly…gracious of him," Clare muttered.

Eli cleared his throat, his tone growing serious. "Clare…I don't know what to do for you anymore."

"What do you mean?" Clare asked, voice on edge.

Eli sighed. "You're just…you're so unpredictable now. Impulsive, hot one day, cold the next. I can't keep up with you. You make it so hard for me to help you."

Clare held back a smirk. "It's funny because that's exactly what I've been saying about you for the past few months."

Eli went on, ignoring her. "Tell me what you want me to do for you."

"I want you to just be here, no matter what. I don't want you to keep dwelling on what I've been doing like you are now. Just keep your arms around me - whether in comforting me or restraining me - and don't give up on me," Clare said firmly.

"It sounds almost like you're reciting wedding vows," Eli commented, then laughed. "Sorry, sorry. All right, I'll do just that." To prove his point, Eli practically picked up Clare and placed her on his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"Well thanks for following orders," Clare mumbled.

Eli bent his head down to whisper in Clare's ear. "I'll do anything for you."

His breath tickled her ear, and Clare closed her eyes yet again. "Anything?"

"I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no."

"Why not?"

"Because you must have a massive hangover right now."

"So?"

"So, let's not make it worse."

Clare didn't bother to protest, knowing Eli wouldn't give in. "Can I ask for something else, then?"

"Hm?"

"Kiss me. Please, Eli."

Eli exaggerated a sigh and cupped his hand under Clare's chin, turning her face so that he could press his lips against hers. She kissed him back eagerly, bringing up a hand and entwining it into his hair.

Eli began kissing her with more force, and they fell over, leaving Clare trapped underneath Eli. She didn't care, though. This was one of those rare moments when Eli got over his anxieties and really tried to make himself and Clare happy, like how he and Julia had once been happy.

Clare, who everybody had assumed we actually keep her abstinence pledge, was now more than happy to oblige to any urges she or Eli had to be intimate with each other. Why had Darcy's death made her this way? Only Lord knows.

**Author's Note: Yeah, really short, uneventful chapter again. xD I hadn't published a chapter in awhile and I felt like something needed to be posted, so I just wrote a short little thing. Hope you liked it, anyway. Review please! :)**


	10. Graduation

**I've decided that this is the last chapter of this story...but there will be a sequel. ;D**

10. Graduation

"Hi Degrassi," Holly J's voice sounded around the classroom. Clare looked up at the screen of the television to see a slightly teary-eyed Holly J Sinclair wearing her graduation cap. "While President Sav Bhandari helps finish setting up for graduation outside, I'm here to give my last announcements before I leave Degrassi.

"First, we ask that you please completely clean out your lockers before you're all let off for summer break. Anything left behind will be thrown out.

"Teachers will be distributing report cards and the supply lists for next year before you leave - please remember them! You will not be given another copy.

"Don't forget to thank your teachers for everything they've done for you this year. Fellow Degrassi students, this is your vice president Holly J Sinclair signing off for the last time. Good luck and have a great summer," Holly J ended, waving to the camera before she faded from the screen.

"That said, I will be calling each student up in alphabetical order to get your papers," Ms. Dawes told the class, and began calling off names.

"Hey," Adam mumbled, and Clare turned her head to look at him. "Are you and Eli coming to graduation with me?"

"To see Fiona graduate, I presume?" Eli asked, turning around in his seat.

Adam nodded, and Clare could see a shadow in his eyes. It wouldn't be easy for Adam now that Fiona was going off to a designing college in France, and Clare didn't want to see her friend unhappy.

"We wouldn't miss it," Clare assured him, "but we don't have tickets."

"I covered it," Adam said, pulling two tickets out of his pocket and giving them to Eli and Clare.

"And Fiona's family won't mind that we invaded her graduation?" Eli commented curiously, staring at the ticket.

Adam made a face. "No, I don't think so. We better get going though -"

"Clare Edwards!" Ms. Dawes called.

Clare excused herself and went up to Ms. Dawes's desk.

"It's good to see you were able to pull your grades back up in the last two weeks. Good work, Miss Edwards," Ms. Dawes said, handing Clare her papers.

"Thanks," Clare mumbled, returning to her seat.

Eli and Adam grew quiet when she sat down, and Clare looked at them suspiciously.

"Eli Goldsworthy!" Ms. Dawes called again.

When he got up, Clare automatically looked at Adam. "What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it," Adam said, shaking his head.

"Adam!" Clare pressed.

"Just your well-being, please don't hurt me!" Adam said quickly right before Eli took his seat again.

Clare wrinkled her nose but didn't say anything. She didn't see why they had to be all secretive about how she was holding up, but whatever.

They waited until Adam got his papers and such before they left class early for Fiona's graduation, Clare complaining that she wasn't dressed nice enough.

They took their seats, watching Holly J give her valedictorian speech. Clare teared up, knowing in a year that Eli would be leaving them too. Clare smiled at Alli from across the lot when Sav went on stage and received his diploma, and Adam cheered loudly when Fiona got hers next.

Once the ceremony was over and Fiona had greeted her family and received congratulations from them, she hurried over to Adam, Clare, and Eli, bouncing around excitedly. "I'm finally done here!" she exclaimed.

"Take your time, Fi. We don't want you leaving just yet," Adam joked, though there was a trace of seriousness in his tone.

"Oh Prince Adam, don't you fret. I'll visit whenever I can," Fiona laughed.

"Congratulations, Fiona," Clare said, smiling kindly. Eli nodded his congratulations instead of saying it.

"Thanks, guys. Oh, I'm having a graduation party tonight. Will you all be coming?" Fiona asked.

Eli and Clare shared a look. "I think we'll have to pass this one, Fiona," Clare told her.

"And I have a dinner with my grandmother tonight. Sorry, Princess," Adam piped up, looking tortured at the fact that he wouldn't get to spend every waking moment he could with his girlfriend.

Fiona frowned, thinking for a moment before her face lit up. "I've got it!" she exclaimed. "I leave for Europe next week - my mother wants me to get settled in…why don't you all come with?"

"All…all of us?" Eli exclaimed.

"I couldn't dare take Adam away from his friends," Fiona replied with a wink.

"Fiona…are you sure?" Clare asked, blue eyes wide.

"Absolutely. It's my mansion, and I'll do what I want with it," Fiona insisted.

"I'll ask my parents right away!" Adam said, his eyes alight with excitement. Eli gave him a look, and Adam stared at him back in confusion. "What?"

Eli burst out laughing, as did Clare and Fiona, and Adam's face flushed.

After awhile, Fiona cleared her throat. "Well…don't any of you worry about a thing. I'll get the tickets, the arrangements…all you've got to do is pack. I'll send somebody to pick you all up in a week," Fiona instructed. She gave them all a warm smile, kissed Adam on the cheek, and left to go back to her parents.

Clare watched her go, and when Declan caught sight of her, he waved slightly. Clare waved back, grinning, and he returned the smile before his family turned to leave.

Eli wrapped his arms around Clare's waist, resting his chin on her shoulder blade. "Look's like we have a big summer ahead of us."

Clare nodded slightly. "I suppose so."

"Things are going to get better, Clare," Eli told her for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I know," Clare whispered, and Declan's words from two weeks ago returned to her.

_Life's a bitch, but it has its ups and downs. _

**THE END...for now**

**Author's Note: Yes, end the story on a sort of high note! I didn't want to make a bunch of chapters of their trip in Europe because that wasn't the purpose of the story. Soooo the sequel will be their summer, and trust me, it will be(I hope!) a light and happy story, unlike this depressing one. Clare should be back to her old self. ;) Review please!**


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